


Retrieving memories

by Sai518



Category: D.Gray-man
Genre: Blood, Gore, Lavi/allen brotherly, M/M, Mute - Freeform, Yullen, crazy lenalee, sorry - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-07-27
Updated: 2015-08-10
Packaged: 2018-04-11 12:28:48
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 8
Words: 13,208
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4435511
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sai518/pseuds/Sai518
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Allen returns from a mission severely injured and having nor memories of ever joining the order. How will his friends react when they find out not only does he not remember who they are but he also seems to be mute. YULLEN -mild torture scenes - Allen!Whump</p>
<p>I wrote this seven years ago at the age of 13 so be gentle please.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> I do not own anything related to D. Gray Man or its characters.
> 
> Enjoy!

"K…Kanda

"K…Kanda?"

"….."

"Kanda?"

"…"

"YUU-CHAN?!"

"DON'T CALL ME BY MY FIRST NAME!"

"Well we know he is in there"

The red haired exorcist sat outside of the samurai's room with Lenalee while they tried to get Kanda to leave and come see Allen who just got back from his mission.

"What the hell do you want!?" the samurai busted through the door "accidentally" hitting Lavi in the face.

 Kanda look around the door "w…WHAT THE HELL YUU?!" Lavi exclaimed as he started nursing his now broken nose.

"What?" the taller man asked as he closed his door and started walking away, "what...What?! You just broke my nose! That's what! Why did you open your door like that?" the red head caught up to him leaving Lenalee behind.

"Che, so? …why the hell did you want me out of my room so bad? I was meditating." You could clearly see how pissed off Kanda was because his eye was slightly twitching. He did not have time for this he still had to train and-

"Komui nii-san wants all four of us on a mission." Lenalee said catching up to the two male exorcists somewhat out of breath. This broke the samurai's train of thought.  _All four?_

Kanda pondered who the fourth member would be and then it hit him ' _great I have an over emotional chick, a baka usagi, and a bean sprout on my team'_ he said mentally while walking into Komui's office and stopped dead in his tracks making Lavi run straight into his back. Lavi who was still nursing a broken nose winced in pain

 "What the hel-" he too stopped dead in his tracks and gasped. Lenalee just stared at the two boys who had shock plaster all over their faces. Komui was not only dead serious but he was working too.

' _Holy shit it's the end of the world!'_

' _Wow that's new.'_

' _Wow something must be wrong for nii-san to actually work'_

The three of them then noticed that there was another presence in the room and turn to see none other than Allen walker. 

_What's up with moyashi he looks like he's gone through hell…wait what the hell do I care?!_

Lenalee cleared her throat once again breaking Kanda's train of thought, "Well Allen-kun how was your mission?" she said taking a seat next to Allen.

Allen just stared at her as Kanda and Lavi took a seat on other side of the younger boy.

 "Allen?" Lavi asked wondering why the boy was acting so strange, "Allen-kun got into and accident on his last mission" Komui said finally looking up from his work.

 "A...an accident?! But he looks fine to me" Lavi said studying the boy who just sat and stared at the wall behind Komui.

 "He may not have any physical injuries but it seems that he has lost his ability to speak and we believe he has lost a good portion of his memories" Komui had a very serious face as he spoke in a grim tone.

 Lavi gasped as Lenalee covered her mouth with one hand trying to hold back a sob. Kanda on the other hand just stood there with a slight scowl on his face. All three then turned to look at Allen hoping that it was not true.

 "Allen-kun the one with red hair is Lavi, the girl is my sister Lenalee and the one with the scowl is Kanda" Komui explained sadness apparent in his eyes.

 Allen glanced at the three around him, then turned to look at Komui and nodded dimly. "Komui-san do you know what caused this" Lavi questioned as he looked away from Allen.

"Um yes Tim has a recording of it, um it’s pretty brutal" he said as he gave Tim to Lavi. Tim's mouth opened and he was staring at a holographic Allen.

_Flash back_

" _Tim you have to take the innocence to headquarters" Allen handed the innocence to Tim and then turned to face the unknown opponent._

" _Allen Walker you are an important part of the Earl’s plan do not resist" a tall man with his hair slicked back wearing a top hat spoke calmly._

" _You honestly think I will go with you?" Allen spoke calmly while he sent Tim flying but Tim just flew into a tree to record what was going on. Allen invocated his innocence and charged._

" _I was hoping you would… Road?" he called as a small girl hopped down next to the tall man then jumped forward punching a hole in Allen's stomach._

" _GAH?!" blood poured from his mouth "Sorry Allen-kun I have to erase what you know cause it will be easier to take you to Earl-sama" Road reached up to Allen's head but Allen jumped back a few feet and started attack when the man from before appeared behind him putting his hand through his back grabbing his heart._

" _Move and I will tear your heart from your body"_

" _Thanks Tyki" the small girl jumped forward and put her hand on his head._

" _Ahhhhhhhhhhhh!" Allen thrashed and the man known as Tyki pulled his hand out as soon as he went limp._

_“So why is it that we can’t just take Allen now?” Tyki asked calmly as he wiped his hand of any residual blood._

_“Because Earl-sama isn’t ready for guests yet. Besides…” rode stroked Allen’s face as she held him in her thin, childlike arms. Road sliced a gash across his torso letting him fall to the ground. “Don’t you think it’s more interesting this way?? Imagine how his friends will react to the new Allen-kun”_

" _Was that necessary?" Tyki asked as she walked over to where he was._

_"Well what would they do if he had only one wound through the stomach after fighting a Noah? Its unnatural cause we usually take their innocence and kill them" road explained. Tyki merely nodded and turned away from the fallen boy and the two vanished._

" _WALKER-SAN?!" one of the finders called noticing the boy lying in a puddle of his own blood. "He will bleed to death if we don't do anything! His wounds are too deep! Call headquarters immediately!" there were three finders all shouting commands at each other as Allen slowly bled to death._

_End of flash back thingy_

Lenalee was sobbing as Lavi shook in rage. "That does not explain why he can't speak" Kanda spoke up keeping his usual pissy face in hold.

 "We believe that the shock of forgetting and not knowing anyone caused him to cope in the best way he could. He should start speaking soon." Komui explained.

"Why?" Lavi spoke up, his voice shaking.

"Why what?" Komui asked.

"Why ...d...does the Earl want Allen?" he asked as he shook violently.

 "We are not sure yet…” was the only response given which caused Lavi to shut his eyes and tighten his hands into fists.

"You guys do realize Allen is sitting right here?" Kanda stated sounding more pissed than he normally is. Lenalee made a small gasp as Lavi turned to the boy, who was shaking and he had tears in his eyes.

 Lavi went to hug him but Allen immediately jumped off the couch. The bookman had hurt written on his face. "He won’t let people touch him" Komui stated, "s…so nii-san  ...W…what was our mission?" Lenalee finally spoke.

 "You can't send him on a mission" Kanda and Lavi both exclaimed at the same time.

"I'm not! I am giving you three the mission of watching over him since you three were his closest friends." Lavi calmed down at hearing this but Kanda just got more pissed.

"Fuck that send me on an actual mission!" Kanda snapped, "KANDA!" Komui yelled startling everyone in the room.

"You will not go on any missions until Allen either remembers or can at least speak!" Kanda reach the highest level of pissed Lavi has ever seen.

 "WHAT!? You’re not gonna send me on missions so I can baby sit some brat that can't take care of himself?!" Kanda snapped as he heard a sniffle from behind. He turned and saw tears cascading down Allen's face.

' _Shit'_

Lavi was about to turn and snap at Kanda when….

**_SLAP!_ **

Lenalee slapped Kanda across the face, "How can you be so selfish after all Allen did for the order and how nice he was to you even when you clearly tried to push him away and when he needs you you’re gonna complain about it after all Allen did for all of us always smiling we can pay him back by helping him now when he is in need!" Lenalee started crying as both Lavi and Kanda stared at her shocked.

"Lenalee is right we can pay him back for helping us." Lavi agreed grinning at Allen; "tch" Kanda got up and walked away.

 "Kanda Allen will be staying in your room" and another argument started.

"Why?! He has his own damn room" Kanda snapped once again.

"He can’t stay in his room because it was destroyed a few days ago by komirin x" Lenalee explained.

"Then he can stay in one of your rooms"

"Um I am a girl and Lavi shares a room with bookman" Lenalee stated.

Kanda looked back at the boy who had stop crying.

…. _shit…_

_~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~_

"Ok moyashi here is the deal…" Kanda opened the door to his room and shut it as soon as the boy walked in.

"You are sleeping on the couch and so help me god if you bug me while I am meditating you will lose your head" Kanda warned as Allen walked over to the couch and sat down.

Allen just sat there not responding to anything Kanda said and this of course, pissed Kanda off.  _The least he could do was nod or something it's like he is fucking brain dead._

_"_ Are you brain dead or something?!" Kanda snapped and Allen just looked at him, "God what a bother" Kanda went over to his bed to lie down.

 "Tomorrow you are coming to train with me because the sooner you get better the sooner you can leave me the hell alone." And with that the lights went off and the fell asleep.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

_Mmm….soft…and warm…wait a minute_

Kanda threw back the covers to reveal a certain white haired boy sleeping, arms tightly wrapped around the samurai’s waist.

_What. The. Fuck. HOW THE HELL DID THAT HAPPEN?_

Kanda's mind was whirling as the cursed boy started to stir. Allen's eyes opened up and he looked up at Kanda, a small smile gracing his lips. That was the first expression he made ever since he got back from his mission.

"What the fuck are you doing in my bed moyashi?" Kanda asked through gritted teeth trying not to scare the boy. Hurt flashed in the younger boys eyes for a split second but was quickly covered up. Kanda of course did not miss this.

 "What did you have a nightmare or something?" he asked not believing it, the boy just looked up and nodded a little.

  _Are you fucking serious?! What is he five?!_

_“_ All right, whatever just don’t do it again.” Kanda swiftly got up and headed to his dresser. He began getting dressed while Allen just sat there staring.

“Hurry up Moyashi or we will miss Breakfast.” His back was still turned to the boy who was now quickly getting dressed as well.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Lenalee, Lavi, and Komui all gasped and then tried to hold in their giggles. Allen was latching on to Kanda's arm as if he would spontaneously combust if he let go and Kanda just glared at everyone who dares to look or a laugh at him. His hand was twitching, about to grab mugen and slice up every on in the dining hall.

"ALLEN! Sweetie what would you like to eat" the very loud cook asked, and Allen looked up at Kanda.

"He wants 50 mitarashi dango, 40 bowls of soba, 10 plates of tempera, 3 bowls of miso soup, and …." Allen gripped at Kanda's side shaking his head. He held up one finger, “What?......just one?" Kanda asked in disbelief.

 Allen nodded. "Ok he wants one bowl of soup and I will have some soba noodles." Jerry practically fell over, murmured right away and walked back to the kitchen.

Kanda grabbed their food at sat down across from Lavi and Lenalee who were staring at Allen with wide eyes. "Allen…um are you sure you don’t want more to eat? Cause no matter what Yu says you can get whatever you want" Lavi spoke in a hushed voice.

“Shut the hell up baka usagi if he is not hungry then he isn't hungry leave him alone."

Lenalee just stared. "Did you just defend him?" she asked in disbelief, Lavi went from staring at Allen’s plate that was lacking food to Kanda's face.

 "Holy shit what the hell is going on?!" Lavi was pulling at his hair.

 "Like I said shut up. The stupid moyashi won't let go of my arm and Komui said to be….n…ni…nic..." Kanda of course felt ridiculous.

"Nice?" Lenalee offered, Kanda twitched, "Yeah".

_"So Allen has taking a liking to Yu-chan eh?"_ Lavi questioned rubbing his chin.

"Well Allen you like Yu-Chan don't you?" Allen nodded slowly, Lavi cracked up and Lenalee just shot Lavi angry glance.

"WONDERFUL!"

Komui popped up making Allen grip tighter to Kanda and hide his face in his arm.

"How the hell is it wonderful?!" Kanda snapped he was hoping Komui would leave him alone today.

 "Well Allen would not make ANY contact with any of the finders like when one of the tried to change his bandages he lashed out and broke the poor man’s nose as well as a lamp." Komui explained.

 "What did you do to make him trust you?" Komui asked after much thought.

"Nothing I woke up with him in my bed and he would not let go after that" the ravened hair exorcist explain….

"WHAT?!" Lenalee and Lavi both shouted in unison.

"I said I woke up and…."

"WE HEARD YOU!" Lenalee was furious…Kanda of course did not give two shits.

"Yuu-chan how dare you take away Allen's innocence at age 15 you horrid old pervert!"

"What did you call me?" Kanda got up unsheathing mugen.

 "You heard me!" and that was the last they saw of Lavi for he bolted out the door and down the hallway to his room where he barricaded the door.

The three exorcists stared at the door way until they heard the sound of a dish hitting the table. There sat Allen eyes wide as he shook in fear at the now only one shouting man. For the third time Kanda had only one word run through his mind.

Shit…..

 

 


	2. Do I know her?

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Allen in the field

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> All right On to the edited chapter 2!!!!  
> Sorry this chapter is slightly shorter I did add some to it though!! So hopefully it makes the story better.  
> I do not own D.Gray man sadly  
> Enjoy

The small boy hid from Kanda for the rest of the day but when it became nightfall Allen had to return to Kanda's room to sleep seeing that it was the only place he knew of.

  
The trouble was that Allen seems to have gotten lost and by the time the sun went down he was a complete mess. He had no idea which way was the way back to his raven haired guardian.

  
The white haired teen slid down the wall and brought his knees up to his chest effectively hiding his tear stained cheeks.

  
His slender form shook as he began so cry harder as it got darker. Eventually about three hours had passed and Allen cried himself to sleep curled up in the middle of the hallway hidden away on some unknown floor. The last thought going through his mind was the name of the one taking care of him.

  
_…..Kanda….._

  
________________________________________-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------   
Lavi was on his way back to his own room when he spotted the small form of his dear friend curled up in the hallway. Obviously thinking something was wrong he dropped the book he was holding and quickly went to Allen’s side shaking him.

  
“Allen! Allen are you ok? Why are you sleeping here?” Lavi gently shook the young boy who opened his eyes with a start.

  
A relieved looked fell on his features as he recognized the one shaking him as Kanda’s sort of friend Lavi. Allen let out a small whimper and his look of relief was replaced by a mix of confusion and worry.

  
“Are you perhaps….lost?” Lavi asked slowly knowing that this was most likely the case. Allen nodded slowly and began to stand with Lavi’s help.

“I can’t believe Yu didn’t come find you!” Lavi spoke out harshly clearly upset with his friend for not showing any concern for Allen.

“All right at least you aren’t that far from his room I’ll take you there!” the red head smiled and held his hand out to the younger boy who looked at it for a few moments before hesitantly taking his hand.

Lavi brought Allen to the door and spoke quietly “Ok here we are! Make sure to be quiet when going in we don’t want him wake up yeah?” Lavi held a grin and gave the small tired boy a wink which earned him a soft smile. This in return made Lavi’s smile grow even wider.

“All right good night Allen.” And with that the older teen left.

Allen turned and quietly opened the door to Kanda’s room. He tiptoed in only to find Kanda passed out on the couch clearly waiting for Allen. The boy gave a soft sigh as he put a cover over Kanda and went to sleep on the floor because he was afraid of getting yelled at by the older man tomorrow for sleeping in his bed.

  
________________________________________

  
Kanda opened his eyes slowly only to notice that he fell asleep on the couch, he looked around the room noticing the small boy curled up on the floor.

  
_'Why the hell didn't he sleep on the bed?'_

As Kanda pondered this he failed to notice that Allen was stirring. The white haired exorcist opened his eyes slowly as if waiting to be yelled at, seeing that was not going to happen he sat up and stretched, his back did not go well with sleeping on the floor.

Kanda got up and walked over to the younger exorcist, kneeling beside him he put a hand on Allen's shoulder. The small boy jumped at the contact, "Where the hell were you yesterday?" Kanda asked quietly, confusing Allen since he assumed the older teen would be angry with him for making him wait up.

  
Allen turned his head slowly to face the raven haired man, he stared up tears in his eyes, "k…k…ka...kan...Kanda" he stuttered out while wrapping his arms around the older boy. The first word spoken since returning from that damn mission, and it was Kanda's name.  
Taken aback when the boy hugged him Kanda simply let it happen.

"Alright moyashi c'mon lets got get breakfast"

-

A few days have passed since the first night and slowly the two teens seemed to have created and become accustomed to a system. Also since that night he got lost Allen was growing fonder of the red haired bookman. Not as fond of his guardian of course but he would send the older teens smiles and allow a small amount of touching.  
Allen's been eating more and more every day, but he can still only say Kanda's name and even then he does not say it above a whisper.

Much to his surprise the older exorcist had grown attached to the small white haired boy that constantly clung to his side, but he would never admit it.  
Whenever the bookman apprentice pointed the two's relationship out Kanda would threaten him with mugen then stomp away all the while with Allen still attached to his arm, you would never see one without the other nowadays

  
"Hey Yu-chan I have a question for you and Allen-Chan!" the idiotic red head decided to ask as the three sat down to eat lunch.

"Don't call me that." Kanda tried to remain cool fearing that he would scare the white haired boy sitting next to him, anger apparent in his voice.

"Well whatever, so about my question..." Lavi continued brushing off Kanda's cruel glare.

"What?!" Kanda was starting to get annoyed dreading the oncoming question.

"Well…since you and Allen are always attached I was wondering, do you two take showers together?" Lavi calmly asked, grinning with an evil glint in his eye.  
Kanda spit out the food he was chewing and Allen began to choke on his chicken, startling Lavi as he reached over to pat Allen on the back. The child spit out the chicken into a napkin sending him a thankful smile.

"Lavi?" Kanda asked coldly, turning to the red head with a murderous intent surrounding him.

"Hmm?" Lavi questioned, backing away slowly.

"WHAT IN GODS NAME GAVE YOU THAT IDEA?!" Kanda stood up abruptly, whacking the red head over the head.

Allen suddenly coughed getting the two older boys attentions; he then stood up and strode over to where the two boys were standing. He paused and smiled a bit but not like the normal soft smile, no this was the smile Allen would give his opponent in playing poker. The boy was extremely pissed off which was very uncommon and both boys froze fearing what the silent boy was about to do. The white haired boy walked straight up to Lavi and kicked him where it hurts the most and simply stalked away. Normally this would be fine but seeing as Allen did not go anywhere without Kanda it alarmed him as he left Lavi to writhe in pain on the ground to follow the smaller boy around the corner. Finally spotting the boy as he came closer he noticed a slight tinge of pink cover the boys cheeks, seeing this he chuckled and left the boy alone for a while.

Once Allen finally decided to show himself Kanda was currently trying to read a book with an energetic red head chattering away. Allen coughed lightly once again getting the two exorcist attention; Lavi tensed, a hand instantly going to protect his groin.

Allen blushed and quickly moved his lips; "Sorry" Kanda translated for him, looking utterly bored.

Kanda put his book down figuring he would not be able to read anytime soon, "Eh um it’s okay Allen" Lavi put one hand behind his head and grinned.

"I deserved it, um I would love to stay and chat but Komui asked me to come to his office so bye!" Lavi left quickly leaving Allen with a hurt expression on his features.

Kanda noticed this, "Don't worry he will be fine eventually and Komui actually did ask to speak with him, moyashi-" Kanda was interrupted by Allen's stomach growling loudly. Kanda sigh and stood up leading Allen to the cafeteria, "c'mon moyashi" he spoke as he grabbed Allen's wrist.

The two just got their food when…

"Kanda-kun, Komui-nisan would like to speak to you" Lenalee walked into the cafeteria to find Allen attached to Kanda like always.

"Oh and Allen-san too." She added; Allen did not like Lenalee so he would avoid her and always hide behind Kanda, all the while Kanda just let the boy cower behind him because the older teen did not like the way the Chinese girl looked at Allen.

She looked at him as if he was a piece of meat and it pissed Kanda off. Kanda himself would never admit it but he was extremely protective over Allen, Lavi was an exception because the older boy was a dear friend to Allen and the younger teen seemed to like him. Lenalee on the other hand would shoot looks at Allen filled with jealousy and desire, both Lavi and Kanda noticed and never let him be near her alone because in his state she could do anything to take advantage of the small white haired exorcist.

"What for?" Kanda got pissed off every time he saw her even glance at the moyashi.

"He is sending you, Lavi and Allen on a mission to England." She stated noticing the murderous aura around Kanda; she didn't get it, why does he hate her so much all of a sudden?

"Allen is going?" Kanda asked in disbelief, the boy still could only say his name and would only let Kanda and occasionally Lavi touch him.  
"It's an easy mission so it's just like training" Lenalee explained as she led them to Komui.

I guess it's a good idea if there are not too many akuma' Kanda agreed to Komui's plan mentally.

-

The three walked in to find Lavi already taking up a seat on the couch, the red head gave one of his goofy smiles to Kanda and Allen as they walked in.

"I see you too are as close as ever." Lavi snickered, "shut up baka usagi" Kanda snapped back and Allen just smiled at Lavi, to Allen Lavi was like an older brother and he would sometimes hold Lavi's hand or pull on his sleeve instead of Kanda's.

Komui sat at his desk holding three folders and he began to explain the mission, "I was originally just going to send you and Lavi because it is just a small mission but Allen seems to only like you two and Kanda is the only one who can understand him when he wants something so I am sending him with you."

He handed them the three folders as he continued to explain the mission. "You just have to go retrieve the innocence that the finders have obtained there should not be any obstacles so it is fairly easy, you three can stay there for a few days if you like for some time off" hearing this Lavi's face brightened, Allen smiled the same soft smile he always does, and Kanda just wore the same scowl as always mumbling something about it being a waste of time.

And with that three boarded the train and were on their way to England, but Kanda for some reason had a bad feeling about this mission. He merely brushed the feeling away and continued to stare out the window of the train.

The white haired boy stared at the passing trees and villages the sun illuminating his pale white face.

They have been on this train for about six hours already and still had about two to go. The small boy leaned on the window while one of his hands rested in his lap the other gripped tightly around the sleeve of the older samurai's shirt.

Across from him sat the goofy redhead who was currently playing around with Tim, and next to Allen sat the cold hearted Kanda Yuu who was currently reading a book with one arm being held captive by the small boy occupying the seat next to him.  
  
Something outside of the window caught Allen's attention he slowly gripped Kanda's sleeve tighter attempting to get the older teens attention.  
He pointed out the window towards a girl. The girl had spiky black hair and was carrying an umbrella over her shoulder; she looked oddly familiar so Allen tried to get Kanda's attention as if asking 'do I know her?'

But by the time Kanda pulled out of his book the train had passed her up and she was gone.

"What is it moyashi I am trying to read" Kanda scowled making Allen let go of his sleeve for a moment until his hand took its place back on his sleeve.  
Allen shook his head as if to say 'never mind' , he rested his head against the window and closed his eyes drifting off to sleep, the last image in his mind of that girl smiling a wicked cruel smile speaking the words "the actors have arrived let the show begin."

  
________________________________________  
Sai: And that’s a wrap for the revised version of chapter two! Hope its ok!!! Please review with your thoughts!!!!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ________________________________________  
> Sai: And that’s a wrap for the revised version of chapter two! Hope its ok!!! Please review with your thoughts!!!!


	3. Death becomes us

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> OK I am on a roll!!! 
> 
> Chapter 3 up and edited!!!
> 
> I hope this will do!
> 
> Enjoy!!

"Allen?"

"Allen." The white haired boy felt a hand on his shoulder, shaking him.

"Allen!" he rolled over trying to block out the voice calling him.

"OI BAKA MOYASHI GET THE HELL UP!" Allen sat up with a start, hitting his head against Lavi's.

 "K...Kanda?" he mumbled as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes.

"Allen, it’s time to get off the train." Lavi informed the small boy as he grabbed his own suitcase along with Allen's.

Allen stood up wobbled a bit and the stumbled over his feet to landing on his ass. He groaned and tried to stand up again this time bumping into a wall. Kanda sighed, picking up the smaller boy he put his hand under his knees and the other tightly around his shoulders; he tossed his bag to Lavi and walked out of the room.

"Kanda…" Allen's voice trailed off as he fell asleep once again in Kanda's arms.

Under normal circumstances this would be unusual but since the incident Allen would become lethargic at a moment’s notice forcing Kanda to carry Allen back to their room. By now the raven was used to carrying the small boy.

Kanda glanced down his usual bored expression faltered as he did so, 'damn moyashi can’t even walk on his own' the older teen quickly turned his head away pushing the feeling aside.

The group arrived at their hotel Allen still fast asleep in Kanda's arms, Lavi ended up carrying all the bags with their finder Joey.

 Kanda gently placed Allen down on the couch in there room, the small boy still sleeping. The older teen kneeled down placing his hand gently against the boy's cheek; he bowed his head almost touching his lips to the younger boy's until he stirred.

 Kanda jumped back in surprise,  _'what the hell am I doing?!'_ he got up and left the room quickly, a blush threatening to creep across his face.

The small boy sat up as soon as he heard the door close, he ended up waking up as soon as Kanda placed him on the couch.

He was startled to find the older teens face so close to him, his face turned a deep shade of red,  _'what was that?'_  The small boy stood up wobbling a bit then he walked out the door quietly closing the door behind him.

"Kanda?" a small sleep filled voice came from the entrance of the lobby.

"Bout time you woke up moyashi" the older teen threw a mission packet at him, Allen caught it opening it.

His lips moved forming the words 'when do we start?' Kanda quickly caught this, grateful that he can read lips.

"As soon as Lavi comes-" just then the red head leapt down the stairs, "Ready to go!?" he exclaimed.

"Sure" was his one and only reply, Allen let his eyes wander on the large room. In the corner of his eye he caught a shadow in the other room, he turned to see what it was but there was nothing there. He rubbed his eyes a bit and the quickly followed after the two older teens.

* * *

 

When Allen saw the akuma he nearly passed out. He gripped Kanda’s sleeve so tightly in his hand that his nails drew blood.

“Kanda!” He nearly shouted eyes never leaving the twisted image of the soul hovering above the huge monster in front of him.

Kanda turned slightly startled by Allen’s loud voice only to see the young boy’s eye activated and he swore lightly under his breath. He completely forgot that the boy could see those damn monstrosities and felt like an ass for not warning him.

“Allen! Allen it’s ok. When you exorcise the akuma you will save that soul.” Kanda spoke calmly and slowly to the frightened boy who eyes still haven’t left the akuma that Lavi was currently taking care of.

The white haired teen quickly shifted his gaze to look into Kanda’s eye for reassurance. This calmed him down immensely and he let go of the dark haired teen’s sleeve. His arm then chose that exact moment to activate as well which sent another wave of panic through the boy.

“Hey that’s ok too! Remember Komui went over this the first week you returned no need to be alarmed.” Kanda spoke as he unsheathed mugen.

“Just follow your instincts just because you don’t remember how to fight doesn’t mean your body doesn’t.” Kanda took a step in front of him.

“Just stay behind me and if one comes up from behind hit it.”

Allen nodded and let a smile form on his lips, this was the nicest the older teen has ever been and he liked it quite a bit.

Smoke filled the air as the boys battled the akuma, he heard Lavi shout something about a hammer and was amazed to see his weapon grow huge! It immediately killed numbers of them.

Kanda finished off the rest near him looking around to see Lavi and Allen were both finished. They currently obtained the innocence and were attacked by a few one level akuma.

"Oi are you finished? We can leave tomorrow then" the taller boy sheathed mugen; the other two came to stand next to the raven haired man.

"Gotcha! See that was not too hard Allen was it?" Allen shook his head in a side to side motion, he grasped Kanda's sleeve in his hand. This action made Kanda want to smile, the boy could only say his name still and he only let himself and Lavi touch him.

"Well done exorcists." A calm voice broke through the silence, stepping out of the darkness was none other than Tyki Mikk.

The three exorcists tensed as Lavi and Kanda pulled out there innocence, Allen on the other hand stood there in complete shock.

This man, a little red flag went up in his mind warning him of this man. Allen stepped back a few steps behind Kanda.

“Hello~!” a sing song voice came from behind him and just as he turned he was sent flying by a young girl

"ALLEN!" the small boy hit the ground with a light thud.

"Allen" a childish voice spoke out from the darkness behind them, just then Tyki appeared in front of the white haired exorcist.

"Road that was unnecessary, lock the other two up so they can’t interfere" Tyki picked the younger teen up by his collar.

"Can do!" just as Kanda was about to rush to the younger boy's aid he and Lavi both were surrounded by darkness.

"Ahhahah!" laughter filled the dark room, Kanda and Lavi glanced at each other.

"Sorry but we have to kill Allen he is a large threat to the Earls plan~!" Road appeared behind the two teens.

"What?! No! Let us out!" Lavi turned to punch Road square in the face only to hit air.

"Oh I will in about three~ two~ one~!!!!" Road's voice faded away along with the darkness, revealing Allen once again.

The two Noah were nowhere in sight but that was the least of the boys worries as Allen was on the ground laying in a quickly forming large pool of blood.

Kanda could not think straight he stood there as Lavi rushed forward holding the limp body in his arms.

 Tears fell from the red heads eye, Kanda did not understand,  _'why is that idiot crying? That baka moyashi would never die even if you wanted him too.’_

Kanda stepped forward, kneeling down next to the sobbing rabbit, tears started to form in his eyes.

There was a large hole in the small boy's chest right above his heart, his blood soaked Lavi as the older teen continued to hold the younger one.

Kanda put his hands on Allen's face looking into the small unresponsive eyes, he wasn't breathing, his heart stopped.

Tears began to fall.

"ALLEN!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sai: SORRY! I totally left it at a cliff hanger and it’s very short! Allen might come back if I get some reviews. Um I will update soon because I sprained my ankle so it’s not like I have anything else to do.  
> Kanda: baka klutz  
> Lavi: That's not nice Sai-chan has been working very hard to keep her grades up!  
> Kanda: So that’s not why she sprained her ankle.  
> Sai: He's right I tripped T-T  
> Lavi: oh….um …..Well please review…


	4. Captivity is a bitch

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ok Geeze I’m getting there slowly.
> 
>  
> 
> It’s currently 3:00 am and I am determined to get at least four of these Up!
> 
>  
> 
> Thank you for reading and for the reviews!
> 
>  
> 
> Enjoy!

 

 

"ALLEN!"

The rest of that night went by as a blur for Kanda.

 He vaguely remembers a few finders having to literally drag him away from Allen’s now very cold body. He also remembers Lavi talking to him.

“Yu? Yu we have to report back immediately. We…we have to bring his body home.” He spoke slowly and solemnly to the samurai.

Kanda raised his head, “W-what?” he stuttered looking at Lavi’s tear stained face.

“We have to bring Allen Home.” Lavi repeated while putting a hand on his friends shoulder.

_‘Home. That’s right… the order will fix this.’_

Kanda turned quickly and headed to the train to meet the finders.

* * *

 

"I am so sorry-"

' _No…'_

"Allen-san-"

' _No!'_

"Died during battle-"

' _NO!'_

"We will hold a ceremony tomorrow evening where we will bury his ashes with the rest of our fallen comrades. You all are dismissed" Komui dismissed the group.

Lenalee was sobbing along with Johnny, Lavi sat there dark circles were formed under his eyes…he looked like death himself.

And Kanda? Well Kanda looked as if his entire world just died, he stopped eating and rarely ever trained. The only thing he did do was meditate about twenty two out of the twenty four hours in a day.

 Lavi and Kanda just went about their daily lives as if ghosts. They both lost someone dear, Lavi a little brother, and Kanda, well he was not sure what Allen was to him.

Too bad it seemed he will never get the chance to figure that out.

* * *

 

The next morning the two 18 year old teens sat in the library reading books that had no importance to them whatsoever.

That was until Kanda was struck in the head by a large yellow orb. Kanda snatched the thing up off of his head, Tim started to open up his mouth, and a video of Allen started to play catching both of the teen's attentions instantly:

" _Kanda!" the small boy reached out a hand but both of the boys were swallowed in darkness._

" _Well now that there out of the way…" Tyki started as he threw down a dead body, Allen glanced at it and gasped._

_The body was an exact replica of the younger teen, a hole punched through his chest, blood spilling from his mouth._

" _You are going to come with us." Allen invocated his innocence, only to be grabbed from behind._

_“Ah ah ah ~ Allen dear” Road held his arms tightly behind his back and handed him to Tyki who had him taken away just in time for Lavi and Kanda to spot the replica._

_Tyki hid in the trees with Allen in a tight hold. Allen watch as Kanda and Lavi both cried for the replica of him. Tears slipped down his face,_

" _Kanda-"_

Tim shut his mouth, a sob escaped Lavi's mouth. Kanda just continued to stare at the small golden blob, a tear streaked down his face.

' _He's alive'_

' _Alive'_

' _Thank you god'_

"Kanda…?" Lavi stood up tear trails down his face.

"What?" he choked out, standing up letting Tim float up to rest on his head.

"We are go-" Kanda interrupted.

"Absolutely" Kanda and Lavi both ran out the door straight to Komui's office.

 

"WHAT?!" a coffee cup fell and shattered as Kanda and Lavi both explained what they saw from Tim.

"You two can't go alone"

"Yes we can, you can send more people later we are leaving now" Kanda exclaimed as Lavi and him were already half way out the door.

-

The wind rustled through the older teen's hair, it was currently dark out. The two just got off of the train and were now in Transylvania, this was supposed to be were the earl was currently staying.

As the two approached the rather large castle they hear a branch snap. They both pulled out their innocence they turned to where the sound was heard,

"Over hear"

Both of their heads snapped behind them, their stood Road and Tyki this time accompanied a rather large looking Noah.

"Where is he?!" Kanda nearly screamed as he prepared to fight the three Noah…

' _wait…two?'_ Kanda whipped around,

"Wow you two are idiots."

Darkness surrounded the two.

His head stung, the pain around his wrists instantly told him that he was chained to something.

"Ugh-"

"Yu. Good you're up…." He noticed this to be Lavi's voice; he turned his head only to see Lavi tied up to a chair.

"What happened? Where are we?" The long haired teen questioned.

"I don't know but what I do know is that we have been locked up and some other person has been too because he has been screaming for the past hour." The red head replied, just as a loud pain filled cry filled the air.

"Who is that?!" Kanda asked as he winced at the sobs and yells of the other person in the room. It sounded as if they were right next to him.

"Well now that you both are up I wanted to tell you that those yells that are coming from the room next to you just happen to be Allen Walker's. Enjoy listening to his pain." Roads voice came from the intercom in the corner of the room, it then faded away.

" _AHHHHHHHHHH!"_

Kanda winced.

"Shit!"

" _AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! K- KANDA!"_

"Shit...Allen…"

"Well Allen are you going to side with us?" Tyki asked as he whipped the boy once more.

Allen shook his head.

"Tch fine by me" he cut a deep slash down Allen's small torso, thick liquid spilling out.

"Ahhh!" they boy screamed as Tyki continued to cut long slashes down his chest and legs.

Eventually the boy passed out and Tyki took the chance to take a break and visit the other two exorcists.

-

Kanda looked up as the large Steele door to the room they were being kept in was opened.

That Noah that was always in the top hat walked in causing the two boys to immediately tense up.

“Where is Allen? What happened?!” Lavi thrashed against his ropes demanding to know why the screams had stopped.

Kanda remained silent but sent death glares over to their captor.

“That is none of your concern. Now what ever should we do with you two??” Tyki moved forward and leaned in close to Kanda, who continued to glare at the Noah.

“Perhaps we should use you two to our advantage. I’m certain the boy will cooperate once he knows we have his precious big brother figure and his….. What exactly are YOU to him boy?” Tyki lightly touches Kanda’s hair.

“Fuck off” Kanda hissed out through clenched teeth and yanked his head away.

“Ha-ha well I suppose I’ll ask him now smile.” Tyki uses a small golem to snap a picture of the two teens.

“This should be enough proof.”

And with the two exorcist were left alone again.

“SHIT!” Lavi yelled as he struggled against his bonds. Kanda just continued to glare at the door.

-

Allen lifted his head when he heard Tyki enter the room again.

“Ah good you’re awake good I have something to show you.” He let the golem project the image of Kanda and Lavi being held in the next room.

“Now Allen I know these two are very important to you right? If you agree to join us I can promise to leave them unharmed.” Tyki grinned as he saw all the color drain from the young boys face.

“n….n..n..nooo.” the white haired teen moaned out.

“Fine THEN I WILL HAVE THEM KILLED.” Tyki was growing impatient and just as he was about to strike the boy he was interrupted.

"Tyki?" Tyki turned his head to the entrance of the room, Road appeared looking slightly annoyed.

"Yes?" he smiled a bit.

"The earl said to kill him… that either we have him on our side or he will be destroyed" Road replied, she looked sad, like she was a five year old who just got her favorite doll taken away.

“Did you hear that? This is your last chance boy, c’mon it’s been hours…actually no it’s been two days since you got here.” Tyki lifted the boys head up by his hair. “And once you are killed then the other two are next.”

Allen merely shook his head.

"Fine" with one swift move he put a hole in Allen's stomach causing a geyser of blood to splash on the floor below.

Allen's eyes widened, the pain was unbearable, as the crimson liquid spilled from his pale white lips.

"K…kanda…"

 Darkness surrounded him.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sai: I am so sorry! I know a lot of you must hate me for leaving off in a bad spot…oh and Allen learned the word no! So now he can say no Kanda…… ah such progress.


	5. Here comes trouble

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Chapter five edited at 4:00 am!!
> 
> OK this is probably the last one I am going to edit tonight.
> 
> Apparently the chapters keep getting shorter and shorter.
> 
> I’m sorry about that.
> 
> I’ll work on having the new chapters being longer once I get to them.
> 
> Any who…..
> 
> Enjoy!

 

-

After the hours of screaming passed it was incredibly quiet, the quietness scared Kanda.

 He did not know if Allen simply passed out or if he actually died, that alone scared him.

Kanda glanced at Lavi, the poor red head had to sit and endure hearing his little brother be tortured, and tears filled his eyes.

"Yu?"

"What"

"I can't take it"

"I...I know"

Just as the words slipped from Kanda's lips the door opened revealing Miranda and Krory.

"Kanda-kun! Lavi-kun! Hurry we have to go they know were here!"

"NO! We have to get Allen!" as soon as Kanda was free he tore off out the door and he burst through the door next to him.

What he saw was etched into his mind where it would stay for as long as he lived.

There on the far wall was Allen chained up with a huge gaping hole in his stomach, blood was distributed all over the wall as if somebody painted it red but Kanda knew better. Blood dripped down the sides of his mouth as his eyes stared into nothingness half opened.

"ALLEN!"

Kanda lurched forward unchaining the small boy instantly.

 To Kanda's relief younger teen's chest rose and fell and he had a faint heartbeat. But that would not last for long if he did not get the younger boy to safety.

"Kanda hurry!" Miranda called gasping as soon as she saw the state Allen was in.

Miranda attempted to use her innocence to possibly help with some of Allen’s wounds but it didn’t seem to be working.

“I…I’M SORRY!! I…I don’t know w-why it’s not working” Miranda wept as she kept trying.

“It’s fine let’s just get back hurry!” Krory hurried them along

"Allen…" Lavi mumbled, glad the boy was alive, a single tear rolled down his cheek.

"C'mon Yu." They hurried, trying to get back in time to help Allen, a dark shadow stood hidden in the trees.

"Take him now exorcists but we will have the destroyer of time…" the voice faded along with the shadow.

* * *

 

Allen looked around, it was incredibly cold where ever he was. There was one wall that was a mirror and in the mirror instead of seeing his reflection he saw a tall black figure no features at all.

' _Who'_

"I’m you boy." the figure played a cruel twisted smile.

_'What?'_

"I’m you and you are me we are one and the same boy...do you know what we are?"

_'I am an exorcist of the black order and I don’t know who you are!'_

"No boy you do know who I am and we are not exorcists we are their enemy the Noah"

A small gasp slipped passed his lips.

_'What are you talking about I don’t know you! I am certainly not a Noah I have the innocence!_ '

Allen lifted is arm showing his arm.

'Yes you do boy but you are the 14th! A Noah of the earl."

The black started to fade revealing another Allen in the mirror, only this Allen had crosses across his forehead and piercing golden eyes.

'I am you and you are me we are one in the same boy!' laughter filled the small room as the Noah Allen began to reach out of the mirror. Allen stepped back then his whole world went black.

~

Allen woke up screaming and lashing out at the man who was next to him.

"ALLEN!"

Allen stopped and opened his eyes.

"K-kanda?"

"Yeah jeeze what the hell was that?!"

"k-kandaaaaaaaaaaaaa!" the smaller boy wrapped his arms around the older teen’s waist and wept.

"O-oi what’s wrong with you?"

The smaller boy continued to cry while holding the raven haired man by the waist. Kanda sighed and sat next to Allen on the bed as he continued to cry.

“Hey easy. You’ve been sleeping for a week straight your wounds aren’t even fully healed.” He rubbed the boys back awkwardly.

 Once the boy's sobs quieted down Lenalee stepped in.

"Allen-san! You’re up!" she ran over about to hug him when he slapped her hands away and held on tighter to kanda.

"W-why? Why him!" Lenalee yelled pointing an accusing finger at kanda which made kanda stare at her.

"Hey..." Kanda said in a warning tone to the girl.

"Don’t hey me Yu Kanda why the hell should Allen pick you?! You were always so cold to him so why you?!" she screeched grabbing Allen by the wrist.

"What about me? I was so nice to you and you don’t even try to remember me!" she held Allen’s wrist tighter as the younger boy looked at her fear in his eyes. She began to shake him violently.

"Why Allen Walker?! Why are you so cruel?! You’re a horrible person and you deserve no more than the Noah!" she yelled which was the last straw for kanda as he slapped her across the face.

She let go of the shaking boy's hand.

"Leave." Kanda said in a very assertive voice.

"b-but-"

"NOW!"

She quickly left the room.

Kanda sighed and looked back at Allen who was curled up on his side his back facing kanda. The raven haired teen could tell that he was shaking, "oi..Don’t listen to her" Kanda said as he went over to face Allen. Kanda just realized that Allen had been mumbling.

'No...n...ah..bet..th..." Kanda leaned in closer to hear him properly.

"I’m... no b-better than-a Noah." Allen mumbled as Kanda stared in shock for two reasons one that he has said more than his name and the second that Lenalee had scared the boy so much.

"No moyashi you are much better than a Noah." Kanda spoke softly trying to sooth the boy, but he just kept on mumbling, until Kanda took Allen by the shoulders and made him sit upright.

"Allen Walker you are not a bad person none of this was your fault." He said scowling at himself.

_‘I have most definitely become too soft for the moyashi.'_  He concluded this and hugged the boy.

Allen gasped not expecting the cold teen to make physical contact with him. Slowly he lifted his hands up to grasp the cloth of Kanda's shirt and he began to cry again. Pressing his face into Kanda's chest, Allen sobbed. Kanda sighed inwardly and just held him closer.

_'Since when do I hug people...and Allen for that matter...oh no...I called him Allen...not moyashi ...shit.'_

He was berating himself mentally as he noticed that the sobs became quieter and then stopped all together as Allen's breathing evened out. Kanda was still holding Allen when Lavi walked in and to Kanda's surprise, Lavi didn’t make a joke but just smiled softly at the two.

"What the hell are you smiling at Baka usagi?" Kanda asked quietly not wanting to wake the younger boy up.

"I knew it."

"Knew what baka?!" Kanda snapped.

"Yu I have one thing to say to you and one thing only-" Lavi walked up to Kanda who was still holding Allen.

"And that is?"

"If you hurt Allen I swear to god you will not see the light of day ever again." Lavi threatened with a straight face and piercing eyes that said he will most defiantly carry out his threat.

"I already knew that baka usagi." Lavi smiled at Kanda and then looked intently at Allen.

"Oh and Yu watch out for Lenalee...she’s planning something." He spoke as he left the room.

_'Great I have to deal with the Noah, akuma and now Lenalee.'_  Kanda sighed inwardly again as he softly put Allen back in his bed.

Allen awoke for the second time that day only to find Kanda missing, and with this he started to panic.

"Oi moyashi I got you food." Kanda spoke as he opened the door with his foot holding three plates of mitarashi dango and about six bowls of ramen and his own soba.

Allen was relieved to see the older teen and he let out a sigh as he looked up and smiled at the older teen.

"Kanda?" Allen asked as he finished his last bowl of ramen in about 10 minutes.

"What?" Kanda asked as he continued to eat.

"Kanda?" Allen repeated causing Kanda to look up from his bowl.

"What?" he asked a little annoyed at the repetitions of his name.

Allen leaned over and placed a kiss on Kanda's cheek.

"T-thank Y-y-you." Allen spoke out quietly.

Kanda dropped his chop sticks and stared in shock, then once his brain started working again he turned his head around quickly hiding the faint pink tint on his cheeks. He leaned on his arm and placed his hand over his mouth and mumbled you’re welcome.

 A blush crept across Allen’s face just as Komui walked in with Lavi right behind him. Kanda turned his head back to face the two.

"Good news Allen-kun! You can move back into your room tonight instead of staying with Kanda." Komui explained as he looked from Kanda to Allen

Allen's face fell a bit but he nodded none the less, Kanda on the other hand stood up abruptly.

"No." Kanda he spoke firmly.

"He is not well enough to stay by himself."

_‘Gah listen to me I really have fallen for the baka moyashi...great.'_

Komui stared in complete shock and then a look of understanding crossed his features.

"Alright Kanda he can stay in your room for a little while but...keep it pg until his wounds heal ok? Bye!" Komui bolted out of the room just as Kanda threw the bowl he was holding at the space where Komui was.

"Yeah Yu keep it pg k?" A murderous intent drifted off of Lavi...

_'Shit older brother angry...very angry'_

"I won’t mess up your little brother baka usagi."

"Good well ciao you two!" The red head left the room leaving the Two alone again.

"Great now I have a psycho Lenalee, a killer baka usagi, and the earl to deal with."

Allen just continued to eat completely oblivious as to what had just transpired.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sai- SO SORRY these chapters so so freaking short I apologize and I feel like I’m moving everything to quick I’ll try and drag the scenes out.
> 
> Allen- please review!
> 
> Kanda- che...why do I have to deal with all this shit?!
> 
> Lavi - cause you have moyashi - chan!
> 
> Allen- its Allen!
> 
> Sai-... um anyway I’m sorry please review!


	6. What if?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh I started every chapter by apologizing…..
> 
> My bad and this chapter is ever shorter than the last one
> 
> let’s see if I can work some magic.
> 
> Enjoy!

 

 

The next day Allen was released from the hospital and was free to roam around headquarters with Kanda. The smaller teen was able to speak more but sadly his memory remained lost, but this didn't bother the younger exorcist at all. As long as Kanda was with him he didn't care about anything at all.

"Oi moyashi...stay away from Lenalee for a while ok?" Kanda spoke out as they sat in the cafeteria eating.

"..." Allen shuddered as he glanced at the Chinese girl.

"Ok..." he replied as he stopped eating.

"I’m not hungry..." the smaller boy pushed his food away as he turned his head away from Kanda.

"Hmm?? oi moyashi your always hungry what’s wrong with you?" he asked growing slightly concerned.

"I’m tired..." Allen mumbled as he stood up a stumbled a bit.

Luckily Kanda was finished with his food so he grabbed the younger boy before he could fall over.

  _'great is he sick or something?'_ Kanda silently worried over the boy as he led him to their room.

Once the two teens got to their room Kanda pulled Allen into bed with him, Allen didn't protest as he just curled up next to the raven haired teen.

 He soon fell asleep with Kanda watching him intently.

This left Kanda alone to think about how soft he had gotten when it came to the white haired boy. He rested his hand onto of the sleeping boys head.

_‘che what the hell happened to make me feel this way?’_

Kanda’s hand stilled when a thought hit him.

  _‘Will it still be like this even after his memories return?’_

_-_

He was in that room again the one with the piano and the mirror only the copy wasn't in the mirror. Allen turned to his right only to find his copy sitting at the piano.

'Welcome back boy.' it grinned a wicked smile.

"What do you want?" Allen became more scared as the copy stood up and approached the teen.

'It’s almost time you know?' it spoke in a soft whisper as he approached Allen.

Allen shivered as the person wearing his face came closer.

“T-time for what?” Allen cursed himself as he stuttered.

The copy touched Allen's forehead lightly sending a searing pain through Allen's head.

"Ungh!" Allen fell to the ground clutching his head.

'Better get used to that feeling walker, you'll be feeling it a lot more often' the copy laughed cruelly as he backed up into the mirror looking at the teen squirm on the ground clutching his head.

Kanda was startled out of his thoughts when Allen suddenly started screaming in his sleep.

"Moyashi!" Kanda sat up shaking the younger boy by his shoulders.

Allen continued to screech as he clawed at his head.

"Moyashi! Moyashi! Damn it ALLEN!" Kanda finally snapped the younger boy out of his slumber.

"K-kanda..." Kanda stood up as Allen rolled out of bed and stood on shaking knees.

"Oi moyashi...what’s wrong?" Kanda asked as he approached Allen.

"m-my head...i-it hurts." just as Allen spoke those words his knees buckled causing Kanda to catch him before he hit the floor.

"Shit"

-

Komui arrived in the hospital wing as soon as he heard about what happened to Allen.

"What happened?! He was just discharged today!" Komui snapped at the three people in the room clearly worried for the younger boy.

"Yu..." Lavi glared at the raven teen.

"It wasn't me! He stopped eating and said he was tired so I took him up to our room and he instantly fell asleep."

"Then not too long after he started screaming and then woke up and said his head hurt. Then he just collapsed!" Kanda snapped clearly pissed that Lavi dare blame him for what was happening to moyashi.

Lavi looked satisfied as he sat back down.

"I might be able to explain things." a voice from the door was heard causing heads to turn.

Lenalee stood outside the door listening in on the conversation as she smirked at the thought of her former crush in pain.

' _That’s what he gets for doing this to me' she walked away..._

_'heheh...ok as soon as visiting hours end I'll sneak into his room...the guard is terrible here.'_ she plotted against the boy as she continued to walk down the halls. Just as she was planning to go into her room she felt a hand on her shoulder. She slowly turned to face the person worried that she was caught listening in on the others conversation.

"L-Lenalee-chan ?" Miranda spoke quietly stuttering a bit.

Lenalee sighed in relief.

"Yeah?"

Surprised at the cheerful tone the girl had Miranda took a step back.

"Um d-do you know where I can find Komui-San? I need to give him the mission report." the older woman questioned as she looked at the ground. Lenalee never knew why Miranda had absolutely no confidence what so ever.

"Um I'm not sure you might want to check the medical wing." she spoke out as a smile played lightly on her lips.

"O-oh thank you." the older exorcist bowed and then walked away pondering how a person can be happy almost all the time.

The Chinese exorcist entered her room and began planning the down fall of the lovable exorcist.

Kanda sat next to Allen as he slept, “Why is it that you keep ending up back here?” the teen mumbled.

“Well he was here often even before all this wasn’t he?” Lavi spoke up startling the dark haired boy.

“I suppose…I never really paid attention.” Kanda spoke under his breath but Lavi was able to hear it just fine seeing that the only other sound in the room was Allen’s soft breathing.

“Yu what will you when he regains his memories of us? I mean I want that more than anything but you guys have a different relationship now.” Lavi spoke while looking at Allen, his eyebrows creased.

Kanda just gripped Allen’s hand and furrowed his eyebrows.

“I mean what if-“

“Lavi.” Kanda spoke up firmly cutting the red head off.

Lavi stopped speaking understanding that this was the last thing Yu wanted to talk about. This wasn’t the time nor would the place and they’ll figure it out when the time came.

\---------------------

-_-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sai: once again sooooo sorry its so damn short  
> Kanda: your pathetic  
> sai:~sobs~ I knoooooooooooooooow!  
> Allen: ~tries to calm down sai-chan~  
> Lavi: YU!  
> Kanda: what...  
> Lavi: that’s mean!  
> Kanda: so?  
> Update: OH my god this is only 5 pages in Word that’s ridiculous…… I also can’t really add anything because I don’t want to mess up the timeline I had set up……gosh I apologize.


	7. Crosses to Bare

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sick! Ok so this is the last chapter that’s needs updating which means that after this I can post a new chapter! Which will take like at least a day to write.
> 
> It might be up around 4:00am but I may just be overestimating my ability to continue on from seven years ago.
> 
> But in the meantime here is chapter 7!
> 
> Wish me luck!
> 
> Enjoy!

A knock was heard at the door to the infirmary later that day.

Kanda turned his head along with the rest of the exorcists in the room.

"I can see my idiot apprentice isn't doing too well" the tall man stepped in and sighed at the sight of his young apprentice.

"General Cross! You never come back to headquarters!" Komui was truly shocked to see the general standing there.

"What’s wrong with him?" Kanda spoke nearly above a whisper.

"What’s that pretty boy?" cross smirked at the younger teen,

Lavi stared, no one was ever able to call Kanda Yu pretty boy without getting his head cut off, no one.

"What’s wrong with him?!" he yelled pushing aside the fact that he was called pretty boy.

"Not sure if I should tell you." Cross just continued to smirk. This of course caused Kanda to clench is fists and stand up abruptly.

"God damn you! Fucking tell me! NOW!" he snapped as he took a step threateningly towards the general.

Cross's smirk faded into a frown, "Boy I will tell you this, stop loving this child."

Kanda stared shock written on his face, "What?!"

"This boy...he was  **born** to die. So just stop now or you will be in pain in the near future."

"What the hell are you talking about?" Kanda started to grow even more frustrated, not only did Cross not answer his but now he was ordering him not to love the boy who he held dear.

"Allen walker is doomed to become a Noah" Cross spat out in an ice cold tone.

The three men all froze.

' _What?'_

_-_

Meanwhile Lenalee was resting her head on the table in her room trying to come up with a plan to get back at Allen for choosing Kanda over her.

Lenalee gasped, her head lifted from the wood table as a wicked grin spread across her lips.

" _Perfect."_

_-_

_'What? `_

Kanda finally found his voice, "What?" his brow knitted together.

"You heard me." the red headed general spoke quietly.

Then in less than 3 seconds Kanda was grabbing the general by the collar of his uniform.

"What?!"

"The boy is going to be a damn Noah! And when that happens I must kill him!" Cross snapped as he pushed the younger boy off of him.

"He's going through the changes now soon his head will start to bleed and the crosses will appear."

Kanda fell to the floor, as Lavi stood up, "No way. That’s not possible he has innocence!"

"That’s what I thought at first too, but I guess it doesn't matter either the Noah side of him will over power the innocence or the innocence itself will kill him. Either way it ends with the boy dying." Cross sat in a chair next to the boy’s bed.

"You’re here...to kill Allen?" Komui spoke up finally, asking the general.

"Yes"

That’s when Allen's eyes opened.

-

_Tap_

_Tap_

_Tap_

_Tap_

_Tap_

"Stop tapping your pencil"

"But I'm bored... how much longer?"

"Not much longer calm down he'll be here soon I promise"

"Dear dear Allen I can’t wait to be able to call you brother...Tyki~?"

"What?"

"He'll be on our side now?"

A cruel grin spread across his lips.

"Yes Road."

-

"Ugh..."

"Moyashi!" Kanda was instantly at his side, as he stared down at the younger boy.

Allen looked horrible, his white hair stuck to his forehead, and his skin was as white as paper with dark bag under his large eyes.

"K-Kanda?...where am I?" the younger boy looked around and then spotted the red headed general.

"eep!" Allen hid beneath his covers.

"You...are forming full sentences…” Kanda stared at the younger teen in awe.

"Um yes? Uh anyway um master what b-brings you here?" The younger boy peeked out of the covers to glance at Kanda then at Cross.

"We will continue this conversation another time boys...Komui where’s the wine?" Cross pulled Komui out of the room.

Kanda and Lavi both stared at Allen, not caring if the two just left, finally Lavi spoke.

"Allen do you remember what happened this morning?" Lavi asked slowly.

"Uh kinda I remember been really tired uh and I remember Kanda ...c-carrying  ...m-me." the younger boy blushed furiously.

"So you remember everything even the part when you wouldn't talk to anyone but me and only let me touch you?" Kanda asked as he was hoping the boy did or he would lose his current relationship with the younger boy.

"Y-Yeah...I'm soooo sorry Kanda!" Allen hid once again in his covers.

"Uh I have to go speak with Komui" Lavi quickly fled leaving the two alone.

"Oi Moyashi I have to know something..." Kanda started feeling like an ass for drawing out the dreaded question.

"I love you"

Kanda's head snapped up as he looked at the younger boy, Allen's head was down but Kanda could still see the bright red tint that crept across the younger boys face. Allen's hands were balled up into fists as he feared Kanda's reaction.

"W-what?'"

"I-I g-guess I always have it’s just this little um incident made me realize It." he stuttered as he feared Kanda's reply wincing a bit.

“I guess even without my memories I still subconsciously loved you. That’s the only reason I can come up with as to why I clung to you. I am so sorr-“

Just then he felt a soft pair of lips upon his own. Kanda pulled back

"Baka...aishiteru." Kanda mumbled as he sat in the chair next to him.

Allen blushed a deep shade of red as he winced. "o-ow." His head began hurt again and he felt really light headed.

"Lay down baka" Kanda gently pushed the younger teen down onto the bed.

“B-but we need to talk about this right? Like I’m pretty sure this is a big deal.” Allen turned his head to face Kanda.

“We have time to talk as soon as you’re better now sleep.” The older boy spoke firmly.

"Mm...I'm tired..." Allen mumbled as his eyes fluttered closed.

"I will not lose you, Allen." Kanda sighed and watched the sleeping boy for a few more moments, then got up and left the room.

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sai: omg I'm being really slow and this is a short one too...don't kill me for Cross pleeeeease?
> 
> Kanda: ~twitch~
> 
> Lavi: how could you sai-Chan!? Making cross kill Allen!
> 
> Allen: what?!
> 
> Kanda/Lavi/sai: nothing!
> 
> Kanda: review...
> 
> Sai: please?
> 
> Lavi: sai-Chan needs some happy comments to keep her moving.
> 
> Update: and that’s a wrap so if anyone has any suggestions on how I should continue the story please comment or pm me!!


	8. chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So here is what you all have been waiting for chapter 8!!
> 
> I’m finally updating after a like seven year break.
> 
> I have no Idea where I was originally going with this story but I’m going first focus on Cross and Allen’s Noah surfacing. Also I plan on spending more time focused on Kanda and Allen’s relationship blossoming. That is the main focus of this chapter actually.
> 
> Enjoy!
> 
> -

 

** Chapter 8: Never Sleep Again **

****

Allen was finally feeling better enough to leave the infirmary three days later. Luckily Cross spent those three days drinking and what not and had not come to speak with his apprentice yet. Actually Cross was in town today which was extremely good news for Kanda who wanted to take Allen into his room and finally have that “talk” that Allen had been bitching about.

Kanda of course was dreading this conversation due to the fact that he was absolute shit at talking about feelings and what not. To be honest he was hoping that Allen would do most of the talking.

The two of them sat on Kanda’s bed in awkward silence.

“Ok so-“

“moyas-“

Both started speaking at the same time causing the two of them to stop and look at each other. “You go first” Allen insisted but Kanda merely shook his head.

“No you were the one who wanted to have a talk in the first place” Kanda said while frowning.

“Ugh fine bakanda…..ok um so where should I start?” Allen rubbed the back of his head and let out a deep sigh.

“How about you start on when you decided that you …uh l-liked me?” Kanda started off strong but then slowly became more flustered near the end of the question.

“Ever since Mater probably.” Allen answered almost immediately startling Kanda. His eyes grew wide, “Wha…? Are you serious? That was the first mission we had! We argued the entire time!”

“Well yeah but you were the first person that didn’t treat me like a child.” This caught Kanda off guard, of course he didn’t treat him like a child he was an exorcist trained by General Cross himself. He was about to argue this when Allen spoke up again.

“That and you let me stay with Lala until she stopped singing.” Allen looked up and smiled leaving Kanda bewildered.

“You didn’t just leave and you came to see if I was still there.” Allen continued.

“I mean even though we fought all the time and you are the most frustrating person alive, you are still the only person I can trust. You and Lavi…..” Allen’s smile turned to a frown.

“What do you mean?” Kanda wanted to know what Allen was referring to. What did he mean by trust?

“I think somethings wrong with me…” Allen looked down and clasped his hand tightly and Kanda furrowed his brows but let the boy continue.

“After I lost my memories and was injured I began to hear a voice when I was unconscious. He told me horrible things that I hope are nothing but lies. But in case they aren’t I know I can’t trust anyone with this except for you and Lavi.” He looked at Kanda with worry in his eyes.

“I know I can count on Lavi not only because of his passive role as bookman but also because I know he loves me.” This of course made Kanda tense up but Allen quickly continued.

“Not the way you are thinking! It’s more of a familial bond. Like an older brother or something.” The white haired teen spoke quickly to ease the tension in the raven haired boy.

“And then there is you…” Allen trailed off giving Kanda the chance to butt in.

“Then there’s me. How do you know you can trust me? I know it’s not just because you think you love me or whatever.” He spoke harshly not on purpose more out of concern for the young boy.

“No. No it’s not just because of my feelings for you.” Allen paused and looked down at his hands.

“Do you remember when we first met and you refused to even shake my hand because I was cursed?” Kanda winced when the white haired teen brought this up.

“Yeah about that I don-“Before he could continue Allen quickly cut him off.

“No! It’s ok. Really. From that moment on you have been nothing but honest with me and I am assuming that includes when I lost my memories.” Allen continued quickly and began to talk about how Kanda had treated him.

“At first you treated me as you always did which thinking back on it now makes me really happy. Everyone else walked on eggshells around me and just made me more confused and made it seem like I couldn’t trust anyone. I didn’t know who they really were.” Allen look at Kanda’s face then who held a slight frown.

“But not you. You treated me like you always would and at first it was scary but at least I knew I could trust you. That and even though I couldn’t remember who you were I just knew that you would keep me safe.” Allen spoke quietly with a smile on his face.

Kanda looked away as his cheeks tinted pink for a moment. “Che and how would you know that?”

Allen shrugged, “Not sure but I wasn’t wrong was I?” he smiled and looked at the taller teen.

Kanda just clicked his tongue and turned his head. “Anyway I remember how when I sorta freaked out and you held me in your bed…. And how you cried when you thought I had died.” A small sad smile formed on his lips.

“I can still hear you screaming my name. And even though I didn’t remember anything you were still my most important person for that first month. It hurt knowing that you thought I was dead even though I was right there. I wanted to call to you.” Tears formed in Allen’s eyes and he clenched his fists.

“And I remember how I felt when Tyki told me that they had you and Lavi locked up. Then he showed me the picture and I knew that they would kill you either way.”

“And even though I had no memories I knew that if anything happened to you…..I would practically die.” Allen turned his body so he was fully facing Kanda.

“Now that I have my memories back and everything I can make a valid decision about my feelings for you. I still feel the same as I did when you were all I knew.” He held his head high and spoke in a clear voice.

“You are still the most important person to me and I’m pretty sure I love you.” With this he looked down and mumbled a few words.

“You’re the sun bright and harsh, and completely needed for me to survive.”

It was quiet for a while and Allen took this as a negative sign, “I completely understand if you don’t feel the same way! I mean you were forced to take care of me and it’s not like you’ve shown any sign of having the same types of feelings as I do. I just wanted you to know so I can clear the air and if you want we go back to the way we were before with no pro-“

Allen was cut off by a pair of lips crashing down on his causing him to gasp which pushed the kiss even deeper. The kiss itself was as if Kanda was trying to portray all of his feelings in this one action alone. Kanda was not really a man of many words. He talked with quick harsh replies and let his actions speak louder.

The two parted for air and Allen sat there bewildered.

“Um so does that mean…” the younger boy trailed off which cause Kanda to let out an annoyed snort.

“Alright listen up. I’m not good with this uh…feelings crap ok. So I’m only going to say this once. These past two months were a hassle.” This made Allen raise an eyebrow in question.

“Um…”

“I’m not done. These few months were a hassle but it’s not like I hated it. At first I was really annoyed and I hated that you got shoved in my room. But as the days turned to weeks I became accustomed to our routines and it eventually got to the point where I couldn’t sleep if you weren’t beside me. And when I thought you died….” Kanda trailed off as he clenched his fists. Allen rested and hand on his and urged him to continue, as kanda took a deep breath.

“When I thought you died it felt as if I would never be able to sleep again.” Kanda closed his eyes, he felt as if he wasn’t explaining this as well as he should have been.

_‘Shit how should I say this?’_

“Bakanda…” Allen spoke which made Kanda look up at him but instead of seeing Allen he was hit with a soft force as the young boy lurched forward and hugged him.

“That’s enough! That’s all I needed to hear.” Tears leaked from the younger boys eyes as he held on tightly to the older teen.

Kanda let out a relieved sigh and raised his hand to rest it on Allen’s head. He gently began to stroke the younger boys white locks. He lowered his lips to the top of Allen’s head and placed a soft kiss before mumbling into his hair.

“I’m glad you’re back.” He then raised his head and leaned back in his bed pulling Allen to rest against his chest. 

“Me too.” Allen snuggled into the older teens embrace and the two of them stayed in that position for quite some time.

Kanda gripped the boy tighter as a thought ran through his head.

_‘Now how should I handle Cross?’_

-

Meanwhile Lenalee had been holed up in her room plotting her so called revenge.

“This will make it so Kanda will never trust Allen again! And then when Allen’s is all broken up about Kanda breaking his heart I will swoop in and pick up the pieces!”

She continued to write while smirking and letting out the occasional chuckle.

-

Lavi was pouring over hundreds of books in the library clearly searching for something.

He failed to notice the footsteps coming up behind him before it was too late.

**_Thwack!_ **

“Idiot apprentice what are you doing here instead working on your training?” Bookman slapped the young red head across the back of the head.

Instead of his usual complaining he turned quickly and spoke in a serious tone. “Old man I need everything you have on the origins of the Noah and their collaboration with the innocence.”

Bookman looked at the boy shocked, “And why exactly do you want those?” he asked suspiciously.

“I’m just researching. You know just like you always want me to do.” He went back to reading the book he had in his hands.

“If this has anything to do with young Walker-san then I must force you to stop.” The old man spoke harshly. This of course caught Lavi’s attention.

“And why is that exactly?” Lavi nearly shouted.

“We are merely here to record what happens and if Walker-san turns out to actually be of the Noah species then we cannot interfere. Especially since nothing like this has ever happened in all of history. It is a new event and as bookmen it is our duty to stand by and record this events.” Bookman spoke coldly causing Lavi’s blood to boil.

“That’s ridiculous! Allen is my friend! I need to help him!” Lavi shouted as he stood up and towered over the old man.

“Bookmen don’t need friends!” the old man shouted back shutting the teen up instantly.

“It is our job to Record that is it! No attachments and no interfering with major events! If you can’t handle that then maybe you need to be set straight!” The old man spoke menacingly as Lavi remained quiet. 

“Fine whatever.” Lavi spat out as he stormed past the older man. Bookmen’s eyes softened as he watched the younger boy leave, a sad expression on his face.

“I’ve grown rather attached to walker-san too boy. Pity.” And with that the panda headed up to his room.

-

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sai: SWEEEEEEEEET! Its 5:00 am and I have finally written a new chapter for this story!!!! I’m going to go ahead and apologize in advanced. It’s been about five years since I’ve read or seen D.Gray Man so if I got any information wrong I am terribly sorry. Also I want to say sorry about some of the ooc shit going on I’m not used to writing Kanda and Allen’s characters and also Lenalee’s character was totally botched by my younger self. For some reason I apparently hated her. For the sake of continuity I’m going to keep her character as a crazy butt hurt weenie.
> 
> Please review!!!


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